Recently I have been asking various friends what they would do if I had no arms or legs. I imagine myself splayed out, in a form of starfish position. I am on some form of pillow and I cannot move. I am immobile. My ideal isn’t male or female I think it is me (Malak). Last year I got very into the idea of being post-sex. I am on hormones so I can have a good balance of ‘male’ + ‘female’ characteristics. But I need not be either, as picking one would be a waste. I am greedy and I need to be both and neither. I can have my dick sucked and my pussy pounded. I am small yet I am covered in hair. I am an animal. I sweat and I meow and I run up the stairs on all fours. A life lived without both is a life with nothing to me.

In the back of my head the bologna tongue fetish art has been haunting me. He is paralysed, he cannot move. When someone sits next to me on the bus/subway/train I have to be as still as possible. I cannot move. I have always considered myself still and quiet. Maybe I would benefit from being vacuum sealed and forced to be still. I wonder what texture his tongue would have. What makes it a bologna tongue. Is it made out of it or is it just really thick and rubbery??? Fetishes like this are always so specific. He has to be bound and immobilised but he also needs to have a tongue made out of carcinogenic meat, or else it won’t be as hot and arousing.

I think the remnants of this can be seen within my recent works. Limbs cut off, rabbits transformed into planes, or wheel-like toys. Now that I have reached a form of standstill with my physical form. There needs to be other things. Patterns, dismemberment, transformation into something new. This is why I was so excited by the planes, the rabbits could operate a new realm. The sky and the airport. To me they were birds as much as they were planes. Anything that roams the sky to me is a bird.

Sometimes I get asked if I will ever stop doing the rabbits or do something else. This always bewilders me. Maybe it’s a bit like vegans being asked if they miss meat or would go back to eating meat. Except not at all really. People who draw only humans do not get questioned on this. Why would I change my whole world to draw something that has been done for ten million years. I go through degree shows, I go to galleries. Everyone is white everyone is painting their childhood and nostalgia, they are on holiday. They like going on holiday and leisure.

A rabbit can be anything. It can be a leaf, it can be a door, it can be you. I do not view my rabbits as people or characters. They are a motif that can be repeated over and over again. A bit like the pattern on a Denby plate. It can be transfixed onto anything. The world the rabbits inhabit is a flat one. Recently I tried to make a zine or a text of sorts that summed this up. I kept contradicting myself. When saying that the rabbits are completely flat and cannot be three dimensional, and then making three dimensional work. What is the point of holding the belief of flatness when I do not stand by it fully. I guess life is full of contradictions though.

I think of erotic moche pottery, there are few depictions of vaginal sex. Everyone is trapped in a form of anal only world. My rabbits are trapped in a world where they are vacuum sealed to the picture plane. Or maybe they are stuck in a glue trap, forced to be still and forced to remain there until they dissolve behind a fridge and emit a foul smell….

Thank you to everyone who has filled out the pervert e-mail survey, if you haven’t yet you really should as the data being collected will help improve this newsletter :+) you can find the survey [here].

Also a discord server has been made, this can be joined [here].

Starting from next week pervert e-mail will have it’s own domain separate from my site + I will add some security measures to prevent people accessing paid content for free. Thank you to everyone who has told me about the risks of my current setup, I appreciate it a lot.